Thursday, July 28, 2016

Sorry Me Tears


In three hours, MD Anderson’s Interventional Radiology department will start the biopsy of my liver and intrahepatic bile duct.  Yesterday evening I drifted off to sleep with a bright internal smile created by the emails from my healing circle friends sending me lots of love.  Waking early, I thought about this past Saturday and the “sorry me” tears I had felt as I left Walmart with the chair I had bought for my shower.  Months ago, I started drying off, brushing my teeth and putting my suntan lotion on sitting down, for I didn’t have the morning strength to stand that long.  I am now in a place I know it would be safer for me to sit in the shower. 


Sunday, I sat on our lake house pier to watch the sunrise.  It was a perfect morning with the trees silhouetted on the glass-covered lake reflecting the pale blush of morning.  In a blink, it was over as the soft pink blush was swallowed up by the ocean blue sky, and the silhouetted trees slowly turned green.  For a few minutes, I once again fought back the “sorry me” tears thinking about how fast life had been.  As I watched the bold greens of the trees return, I realized how grateful I was to my mom who had taught me early in life to be present for those brief moments that never will be again.  A gift from my mom painted on my soul forever given to all of you today.  What will you do with my gift tomorrow?

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