Holding On Letting Go

It was a beautiful Easter weekend.  Saturday I worked in the garage sorting through boxes and storage bins that hadn’t been opened for years and quickly filled up a trash can with things that should have been tossed long ago.  Sunday, the Easter service music kept me in tears, and the resurrection lesson left me deeply thinking about my own life resurrections, transformations and being empowered by choosing to “be” and live as a child of the light.  But “being” takes a balance that I’ve struggled with most my life for my Enneagram type is a two, The Helper, warm-hearted, empathetic, friendly, generous and self-sacrificing.  Over the years, I’ve learned it is so easy to lose myself, my challenges or pain by helping others. 

Monday, as I rode my scooter into work, I stopped on the bayou bridge, looked up at the waning gibbous moon, and realized if I was to heal, I needed to give myself more time.  Rumi’s words, “Life is a balance of holding on and letting go”, has fluttered around me like a butterfly the past few years, a sign for me to embrace life differently.  Last year I said goodbye to my friends at National Wellness Institute after a 30-year love relationship.  Yesterday, I wrote the board of directors at IAWHP (AWHP, AFB, Fitness in Business) and resigned my board position.   This was hard to do.  IAWHP is an Affiliate Society of the American College of Sports Medicine, the first professional organization I had joined in 1978 as a young doctoral student.  As a member of IAWHP, I have written multiple chapters in books the organization has published, and in 1992 was one of three authors of the industry best seller Guidelines for Employee Health Promotion Programs.  In 1988, AFB awarded me their Exceptional Leadership Award, and in 1991, AWHP recognized me with Fellow status.  Resigning from my board position was letting go of an almost 40-year passion. 

When first diagnosed with cancer, I felt like I had to cram as much as I could into each minute, hour and day.  As I crammed more into my days, I slowly learned that cramming left no time for living and the practice of being.    Yesterday, I took another big step toward making more space for my need to be and heal.  Let Rumi’s words flutter into your life as you consider how to better balance holding on and letting go.