My oncologist was running a little behind, so I rested my head on the back of the waiting room chair to relax, and immediately went to sleep. My dreams took me to a Sunday many years ago, I had promised to be home for lunch, and was running a little late. As I climbed out of my jeep, I saw her sitting at the bay window, waiting. I went through the front door and knelt by her chair, “sorry mom”, she smiled and kissed my forehead and said, “Billy, I’m not going to get better, but I will always be here for you”. We cried.
I felt her soft touch, and woke to find my nurse coaxing me awake. The lab results showed my cancer markers were slightly up, even though my bone and body scans really had not changed. Without positive progress, my clinical trial requires I start drugs that are more toxic. The research nurse and I had a good laugh for one potential side effect is my skin and hair will get a little yellowish, I told her I was going back to being a surfer boy. Walking out, I remembered my mom’s words so many years ago and thought, I might not be getting any better, but I am still here and her love surrounds me. Be mindful of the love that surrounds you today.
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