It’s our favorite little taco shop in the Museum District, and looks and feels like a sports bar, but once inside you will find families, couples, and tables filled with after work friends. As we walked in last night, he was sitting by the door, clean, but badly sunburned, and his eyes told me he was homeless and so very alone. When MaryBeth went to wash up, our eyes met and his eyes pleaded for compassion. All of us along our journeys have had times we felt homeless, so alone in our darkness, and inside pleading. I meet cancer patients every day that are stuck on the edge of their darkness, feeling homeless in their fear driven fatigue and unworthiness. In his book Finding Inner Courage, Nepo talks about falling through the darkness in order to fall into life.
My writing reminds me of where I've been, who I've shared my journey with, and where I am going.
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Monday, June 29, 2015
Aliveness - Essence of the Universe
Saturday was a time for deep listening as I felt the presence
of my frailties holding me back from experiencing real aliveness. It is through these internal explorations,
deep dives into our humanness that our biochemistry shifts, and we drink in life
differently.
Right before sunset we took a kayak trip on our lake as the
storm clouds moved in from the north.
The sky was huge, painted across a deep blue canvas with massive cloud
structures spilling their reflections across the water. As we paddled toward the setting sun, I could
feel the pull of my aliveness in my breath.
Today, seek your aliveness in still moments and join the essence of the
universe.
Friday, June 26, 2015
Sharing Your Life Story
Several months ago, I was in OH at a small Catholic
University where I spoke with students and faculty about whole-person living. My favorite part of the trip was meeting with
the clinical staff and residents in their long-term care facility. As I walked around the facility listening to stories
from residents and staff, I was inspired by the life lessons they shared. The inter-reflecting life themes in their
stories spoke about the power of mistakes and patience. They talked about risk, courage, and trusting
oneself as we improvise our way through life.
Have you started to share your life lessons with those that matter
most? If not, maybe exploring your life
story this summer would be a good project.
Thursday, June 25, 2015
Soul Work
Soul Work
This has been a month of heavy reflection as the weight of the past two days of tests and procedures to assess the growth of my cancer approached. Last night I woke just past midnight, and realized it had been a month wrapped in prayer, meditation, and healing imagery. There have been other times in my life when my soul work, buoyed by the soul work of others accomplishes the extraordinary, and yesterday was such a day.
The cancers in my lymph nodes and hipbones have little new growth. A new speck on a rib and backbone are too small to measure, and besides my tumor markers are down, so my oncologists agreed I should stick with my current oral chemo. My soul work feels like a flower bursting with color, surrounded by the life sustaining love of others. Thank you, may my soul work touch your life today.
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
We Don't Do Life Alone
Link to my Story
Yesterday, as I sat in multiple waiting rooms, I was reminded
how much they felt like athletic dressing rooms of my past with a mix of
individuals tired of the fight and those that couldn’t wait for the start of
the 2nd half. I ask her if
the chair was taken, and she motioned for me to sit down, and we talked briefly;
she was with her husband, who no longer worked, but she wished he did. A tall large man limped into the seat across
the far aisle and they began to try to talk, I got up and motioned him into my
seat.
We followed each other to two other waiting rooms, I watched
them sit apart, and my heart felt his exhaustion and loneliness. After my last appointment, I visited a friend
doing inpatient chemo, and he, his wife and I talked about our shared cancer
journeys – for we don’t do life alone.
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Live Out Our Courage
I was up early, for today starts two days and ten appointments consisting of scans, x-rays, blood draws, and a bone marrow aspiration. I am in a clinical study that is looking at how the order of three different drugs slows down advanced prostate cancer. Wednesday, I sit with my oncologist and discuss the new drugs I will start, for the first drug only worked a few months. Last night MaryBeth, Auggie, and I shared dinner with another couple and laughed a lot as we shared puppy stories. As we walked home, I thought about what Nepo calls “living from our core” and how much of life we spend searching for the inner courage to face the unknown. I’ve always been a good tree climber and last night as I climbed a tree in my dreams, I felt the light that is at the center of my core and gives me the inner courage to thrive.
Monday, June 22, 2015
Saying Goodbye Turns to Rose Tears
Last week I was in Minneapolis teaching at the 40th anniversary of the National Wellness Institute and saying goodbye to the many friends I have made at the conference over the years. Several months ago, I realized I needed to start letting go bits and pieces of my life to allow more time for inner exploration, and writing / sharing my living experience and what I’ve begun to call “cancer thrivership”.
Long ago, I learned saying goodbye is never easy, but I wanted to do this on my own terms, so I’d usually start with, “I need to say goodbye”, and they’d say, “Oh you’re leaving early”, and I say, “no, I need to say goodbye, I won’t be back next year”. We’d hug, cry a little, and I’d whisper in their ear, “have an awesome life”. We left Minneapolis and went to Columbus OH for a mini-family reunion. The rain in Columbus, left tears on the roses, just like the rose tears I felt on my heart. Rose tears collected from shared inner moments of life overflowing, as I said goodbye to my National Wellness friends.
Thursday, June 11, 2015
Brokenness
One of my favorite places of stillness on our campus is the
Mays Chapel garden, a small garden partly covered by a canvas canopy. In its center is a tree with an old tangled wind
chime hanging from a lower branch. Ferns
and other leafy plants and bushes encircle the tree, and hide several ceramic sculptures
who call the garden home. One of the
sculptures is a small angel with a broken wing.
There are times in my life I am stuck in the pain of feeling broken, and
can’t seem to let it go. The silent
stillness of the garden helps me lean into my brokenness, connecting me deep
inside to the wholeness of life. Lean
into your brokenness and let go.
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
Cancer Changes Your Life View
Maybe it’s just me, but I know from sharing with others, having cancer changes the way you view life. My dad’s timing in life sucked, but he was one of the most resilient individuals I have ever known. After multiple failed restaurants, bankruptcy, and losing my mom to cancer, he somehow always managed to give joy to others. One of my last visits with him before he died of cancer we sat on the back porch watching long tree shadows spread across the lawn as the sun went down. I didn’t realize he was dying. It’s in our fight for life that we find life waiting for us in moments shared with loved ones, friends, sunrises and sunsets. Life is about being present for each and every life moment.
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
Friendships
This Friday, MaryBeth and I leave for the National Wellness
Conference in Minneapolis where we both will teach and help celebrate the 40th
anniversary of the association. For
several weeks now, I’ve been thinking about this trip, conference, and the
friends I’ll laugh, eat, and cry with. These
friendships have brought me great joy, and many have supported me throughout my
wellness career and now in my cancer journey.
This past week I’ve been teaching groups of cancer survivors
and caregivers how to get out of their heads and into their hearts. Friendship is a heart led thing and the touch
of a friend can quiet our endless mind chatter/fears, and open up our hearts. This next week I’ll breathe in friendships
that have been my life energy and thank them for the precious gift we have
shared. Open your heart to a friend
today.
Monday, June 8, 2015
Sunrise Shouting
Christmas morning at our lake house, I watched the fog slowly
burn off the lake, and thought about Nepo’s words about still moments of
silence. We were several days out on a
7-day hike, spending the night in one of the many White Mountain lean-to’s along
our trail. In the wee morning hours, a large
porcupine woke us as he climbed over campers looking for food. I had never seen a porcupine that large, and
everyone was scared, so we hit the trail before sunrise, agreeing to stop and
watch the sun come up at breakfast. The
majority of the kids were from the Boston ghettos, and I remember their eyes as
that giant yellow ball seem to rise out of the pass far below. One kid finally ask, “What is that”, and I
replied “sunrise”. It was in that still
moment that I heard my “be” shout deep inside be a teacher. Listen to your “be” lately?
Friday, June 5, 2015
Passing Life Moments On
Bill Baun Cancer Thriver
The stories we tell ourselves, about ourselves, is our life
story, and helps organize our experiences giving us a sense of self. Stories also play a role in determining our behaviors,
and who we will become. When we begin to
understand our stories, we gain the wisdom of life lessons, which ultimately
becomes the source of our most trusted guidance for living. Our wisdom becomes a touchstone of
inspiration, guidance, and teachable moments, as we share it with loved ones
who may encounter similar experience along their life journeys. Life stories get to the “heart” of what
really matters and give us a greater sense of purpose, meaning, and direction
for living. Sharing these stories helps
shape the future path for others creating generational touchstones that will
last long after we are gone.
Thursday, June 4, 2015
Fear is Like Cholesterol
Fear is like cholesterol – we need some, but too much cholesterol
and our hearts clog up, and our life energy suffers. Too much fear and our mind chatter turns irrational
or maybe too rational and our nervous systems freeze up. A healthy nervous system can bounce back, but
a weakened system or a dysregulated system hangs on to stress and it gets
harder and harder to manage emotions. In
a dysregulated system, there is no buffer zone or window of tolerance and it is
easy for fear to rise up again and again.
Through my teaching and coaching this week, I met several
patients and caregivers trapped in fear cycles.
I talked to them about the self-care and well-being practices that would
increase their resiliency. Life can be
hard, but a resilient / healthy nervous system discharges stress and brings us
back to balance and flow. Consider these
resiliency practices: move more, eat right, pray / meditate, develop a large
network of good friends, and have a purpose in life meaningful to you.
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
Air Steps: Empowering Faith
A cancer journey is filled with leaps of faith. I call these “air steps,” after my Army days
when every time I jumped out of an airplane or rappelled from a helicopter,
that first step before the chute or rope took hold was taken in faith. My cancer journey has been filled with many
air steps: body scans, body probes, surgeries, radiation, and multiple drug
protocols and oral chemos that have extended my life and fueled my passion to
tell my story about the awesomeness of life.
Faith is more than believing in the unseen or unknown. Faith is believing in something larger than
yourself (e.g. God, love, family, and peace).
But, faith is more than just thinking about it, or having strong
convictions. Faith is about taking next
steps, and moving to action. My leaps of
faith have led to hope, joy, trust, confidence, grace, and devotion to deep
prayer and meditation. Have you taken
any air steps lately?
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Healing Calm
Healing
calm is the practice of still moments in our lives that connect us deep
within ourselves and where healing unfolds.
*Modified
from Mark Nepo
Monday, June 1, 2015
Survivorship Week at MD Anderson
This is Survivorship Week at MD Anderson where we celebrate with
individuals that are living with, living through, and living beyond
cancer. Cancer is a family and friend
affair, so family caregivers and friends are recognized as survivors at MD
Anderson and are welcome to all activities.
Down load the brochure with all the dates/times/locations of all the activities.
This week I will teach: Living & Healing in Gratitude on
Monday, Healing Calm: The Practice of Stillness on Tuesday along with a Healing
Bracelet Workshop. On Wednesday, I will
teach Air Steps (steps of faith) and lead another Healing Bracelet
Workshop. Thursday, I will lead an Onco
Walk called Walking: Pathways to Health, Hope and Joy, and Friday I will close
the week with a class on Passing Life Moments On. For me, Survivorship Week is a time to
celebrate the awesomeness of life with old and new friends. All week my blog will give those too far to attend
the celebration, high points from my classes.
This week CELEBRATE your survivorship by thanking those that matter!
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