Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Doubts and Regrets

The night my mother died, I played handball instead of making my nightly visit to the hospital.  My dad frantically tried to reach me, but it wasn’t till I got out of the shower and picked up the phone that I realized I’d chosen the wrong night for handball.  When I returned from my Army tour, I had much to let go before I could start a new life, and like most returning soldiers really didn’t know where to start.  In a weird way, I had doubts about walking around without my flak vest, 45 pistol, M16, and dog tags. 


Today is a cancer care day, starting with lab work followed up by a visit with my oncologist this afternoon.  My cancer journey has changed the way I respond to the doubts and regrets that rise up.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got a long way to go, but I’ve learned not to let doubts and regrets overwhelm my life energy.  It’s focusing on the “now” that provides a grace opening up my heart and sustaining my life energy.  

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