Ignite a New You

Wednesday, I served on the faculty of the Cultural Competency course held at MD Anderson and spoke about whole person living; living a life of happiness, engagement, and a life of meaning.  I told my story about breaking my back and lying in the hospital for 6 months, watching the man across the hall lose his legs, and making a promise to myself that if I ever walked again, somehow I’d give back.  That decision drove me to graduate school, and many of the choices I’ve made in my wellness career.  Not everyone has an igniting experience that drives them through their lives, but we all need to feel like we make a difference, and our life has meaning.  Consider how you make a difference in the lives of others this weekend, and ignite a new you!

Life Takes Time to Live

She looked up as we passed and said, “It’s cold again!”  We had just parked; she was a nurse and was headed for the hospital several streets over.  Her greeting got me thinking of how life is made up of places we’ve been, and the unknown.  For some the unknown becomes a small grain of doubt or fear, which grows into an anxiety that takes over their lives.  Mark Nepo in his book, The Exquisite Risk, tells us, “Life takes time to live”, and as a cancer survivor I’ve learned my hardest job is to let the unknown of my journey just unfold.  Patience weaves a peace in my journey that gives my life unexpected joy and wholeness.  Today, find joy in the moment and the way things are. 

Moments of Love

She knew I worked at MD Anderson, so had ask me to visit a friend.  He was dying and his eyes were scared.  For several years he’d been in and out of emergency rooms for what he described as too much food and drink, but this time it was different.  Tears streamed down his face as he finished his story, shut his eyes, and just cried.  When he opened his eyes I could tell he’d known all along, he just didn’t want to believe it was there.  We’ve all been there, knowing the truth, but unwilling or too scared to accept it.  She called me months later; he’d died at home surrounded by friends accepting the moment and their love.  Today, be open to moments of love. 

Soul Work

Yesterday, I had lunch with my grandkids and then we played trucks and fire engines; it’s the kind of soul work that always makes me laugh and smile.  Jon Kabat-Zinn, talks about soul work as the process of drinking at the life stream.  But you can’t drink and be nourished by your life stream if you’re not present.  Our thoughts constantly distract us from life as we live in our protective autopilot modes.  My youngest grandchild is 15 months and starting to pick up words from his big brother.  Eagerly he waits as we play with the big dump truck, and finally says, “My turn”.  Today, when it’s your turn to drink from the life stream be mindfully present for this moment won’t happen again. 

Mindful Connections to Your Past

My skating Saturday took me to my old neighborhood and a visit with Marine.  Our kids were close to the same age, and she told me about her girls and their families.  At some point she touched my arm, and with tears in her eyes told me about the very first time we’d met, “You were holding baby Chandra in the front yard”.  We talked, laughed, shared stories, and I left skating the old neighborhood following kid memories of birthday parties, Cub & Brownie meeting, but mindful of my skating.   Sunday it was too wet to skate, so I walked.  Mid-walk I found a rose climbing a wall, and was brushed again by Marine’s tears, through the roses’ beauty.  Mix joy memories this week with present moment’s mindfully connected to your past.      

The Power of Words

I could barely walk, couldn’t drive, and so took the bus to work.  By mid-morning I was in an orthopedic clinic getting an x-ray.  After waiting what felt like hours, I went to the door to hear the doctor say, “I have a man with a broken back and I need a…”, he turned saw me standing, rushed to my side and gently laid me back down on the examining table and I didn’t walk again for over a year.  Words that change our lives, “Billy your mom is dying”, “Bill your dad just died”, “Mr. Baun, you have aggressive prostate cancer”, “I love you!”, and “you have progressive metastatic cancer in the pelvic lymph nodes”.  Words might change our journey, but they don’t have to change who we are or who we become.  How will you choose to react to life today?

Awesome Power of Love

I was raised in a very active church family.  My dad was always superintendent of something and ran the church kitchen, and my mom was the lead kindergarten teacher for Sunday school, and the day school.  We sat in the same spot, on the same pew every Sunday, left front 7 pews back, right next to the choir loft, so my mom could sing along with the choir.  I remember her funeral for many reasons, but one that haunted me for years was that we were in the wrong pew.  The week after her funeral I went back to our Church several times and sat in our pew, held her hymnal and listen to her sing.  Never doubt the awesome power of love. 

Be Open to Sacred Moments

The car accident in 1976 left my back shattered in several places and millimeters away from severing my spinal cord.  The operation fused all my lumbar vertebrae, but L5, and the surgeon warned me it would probably go at some point.  Years later on Christmas Eve I had surgery on the L5 disc, and woke up alone in the wee hours of Christmas day.  My body memory felt the pain of the first surgery; I was so scared and wanted a hug so bad.  With tears streaming down my face I said out loud to no one, “I need a hug”, and immediately got the warmest, deepest hug I’d ever felt, a sacred moment with my Maker, I will never forget.  Be open to the resurrection of sacred moments. 

Sacred Moments

I woke in the mid-80’s standing on a branch at the top of a 120 foot pine tree in Grass Valley, CA.  It’s a bit like riding a gentle ocean wave, as the top sways with the hot wind.  There are 15 of us in a Project Adventure training week, gaining insight into experienced based learning, and ourselves.  I step off into space and immediately feel the rope catch in the carabineer at my waist.  I’d rappelled out of helicopters in the Army, but never with a Navajo belaying my journey.  My team is all Navajo school teachers, and I learned more about life and myself through them than our trainer.  They taught me everything is sacred from the tiny bluebird to majestic pine tree, and living with the sacred opens us up to each moment.  Today, be open to sacred moments. 

Listen Through Your Heart

One block from my house is a florist and Sunday the flowers and heart shape wreaths were gone, and bouquets of deflated balloons were scattered across the lawn.  I know my love is not a one day event, but there are days in my busyness I don’t slow down enough to lean into those I love and listen with my heart.  MaryBeth and I shared brunch on our front porch with Valentine’s Day tulips and I snapped this picture.  The camera leaned into the tulip on the right and made it the focus point.  This year, lean into those you love and listen through your heart. 

Nursing & Compassion

Yesterday, I worked as the welcoming doorman for the MD Anderson Nurse Recruitment fair.  My station was between the garage and the elevator that took them to the fair.  In their faces you could feel excitement, but also the compassionate energy that defines nursing.  Juxtaposed on my surreal feelings were visitors, family members and patients leaving the hospital in wheelchairs, wearing face masks, or carrying oxygen bottles, suitcases, and thick folders.  The world needs more servant leaders who have an innate ability to care, listen, and bring hope through compassion.  This special full moon Valentine’s Day, THANK A NURSE!

Is Your Work Larger than Life?

There are days I get lost at work.  Yesterday afternoon I found myself lost in multi-tasking the healthcare data I’ve been grinding away at for days, the chapter I’ve been trying to finish for months, and the daily barrage of emails.  I smiled, the picture I’d taken in the Colorado Springs airport flashed before my eyes.  Work had become larger than life.  Years ago I published a poem called the Chase, and a few lines rang so true, “we race through life, always feeling one step behind that which we chase / our path becomes a maze which we pass through many times / never looking back to catch a glimpse of that which we’ve been chasing so very far behind.”  Don’t let work get larger than life today. 

Soul Moments - Acts of Caring

The book Soul Moments is filled with stories of synchronicity or meaningful coincidences.  Yesterday, I had back to back meetings between 9am-4pm, as I left my 1st meeting at Physician Relations; I was mesmerized by the red dress heart on their wall.  My next meeting I sat next to Roger, a friend whose dad had just stopped practicing medicine and was now struggling after letting go of his life’s passion. During my short walk to the next meeting I felt the soul moment.  Caring is at the “heart” of MD Anderson and for many employees a balancing act of passion, compassion and self-care.  Celebrate Valentines this year by promising to better balance acts of your heart / life!

Love & Hope Purring

Friday afternoon MaryBeth was home, and both of us slept the day away.  Saturday and Sunday, she read, I worked in our front garden, and was starting to think her recovery was going to be easy.  2:30am Monday the inside and outside pain hit her hard and the pain+pills brought on nausea.  Somewhere in the midst of the moans, wet towels, and plastic bowls I had a vision of my mom’s last cat Snowball.  You could feel his deep purr, and unconditional love that somehow gave us all hope.  Monday afternoon, our cat Precious was sitting on my lap, MaryBeth was sleeping and I was reminded of the power of love and hope.  Try a little purring today. 

Gratitude Prayers at MD Anderson

The anesthesiologist stood, her assistant swept the drapes to the side and released the bed brake.  MaryBeth was still talking as I bent down and caught her last words with my lips and told her, “I love you”, and then in a blink she was gone to surgery.  As I walked to the waiting room, I could feel the beginning of tears, not fear tears, but memory tears of sitting with her early that morning in the chapel, holding her hand and listening to her gratitude prayers.  Twelve hours later the same gratitude prayers pour from her mouth, and I once again feel the flow of tears.  Find time for gratitude prayers today. 

One O'clock Lab Band Moving On

In the late 70’s I was a UNT graduate student living in the Red Ghetto for $70 a month, across the street from the home of One O’clock Lab Band.  My apartment was almost 200 sq. ft. including an attached bathroom.  It had a stove, but no kitchen sink, and no heat; I washed my dishes in the bath tub.  Early one Saturday morning I woke to the sound of heavy equipment.  Those of us living in the Red Ghetto gathered outside to find a bulldozer about to demolish the structure.  After calling the Red Ghetto owner we were given a week to find new homes.  Life has a way of pushing us on sometimes, and in my experience usually to better places.  My next $70 apartment had a full kitchen, bedroom, bath, and was heated, but I did miss the sounds of the One O’clock Lab Band. 

Mark Nepo - What will you give up?

January came way to fast and then in a blink it was gone and February was here and I began to think about last year.  Maybe it’s being in my mid-sixties, or maybe it’s my cancer journey, but I find a huge need to get rid of those pieces of me that are no longer working.  Things that made others uncomfortable, derailed or confused some relationships, and at times kept me frustrated.  In The Book of Awakening, Nepo talks about removing what is no longer real, what no longer works in order to stay close to what is sacred.  What will you give up?

Believe in Life and Paddle Strong

On my flight back from my keynote to the First Coast Worksite Wellness Council Friday, I sat by the window mesmerized by the coastline, clouds, and rivers below.  We’ve all been there; moments in life’s white water where we want to wish away those things in life that don’t seem fair.  But then a long winding river came into view and I immediately felt the excitement and passion for the journey and what lay around the bend, mindful of my journey and the guiding strength of my bowman.  Today, believe in life and paddle strong.